By Fearing to Attemptww
by Aerial312
Summary: Josh calls his mother, while on vacation. Postep for Transition. See sequels This Above All and None is Left to Protest.


Title: By Fearing to Attempt

Author: Aerial312

Rating: PG

Category: Angst/Romance

Spoiler Info: Post Ep for Transition.

Disclaimer: I own nothing…I just borrow.

Feedback: Greatly appreciated. Sure. Just let me know where its going.

A/N: My second post ep for Transition. This little fic was floating around in my head all day and I had to get it out.

I sat on the hotel bed, and watched Donna sleep, for what must have been half an hour before I finally got up and crossed to the chair with the phone. I could just watch her sleep forever. Forever. Did I really just think forever again? It seems that whenever I think about Donna, or Donna and I doing something, I think about forever. And it scares me a little.

The last four days in Hawaii have been incredible. We've gotten in some great walks on the beach, swimming with all sorts of strange creatures, and good food, in the not especially lengthy times we've managed to wrench ourselves out of this hotel room. More specifically out of that bed. I've really been making a concerted effort to do some outdoor things today. We still haven't really talked, and while my taking her with me on vacation is a huge gesture, I don't think it quite substitutes.

Its not that I don't want to have the talk. I'm just not exactly sure what she means by "define our relationship". Does she just want to know that this more than sex for me? I think she knows that, though given the inordinate amount of time we've spent in this hotel room, that could be called into question. Does she want to know in more exact terms? I don't know that I can define it. I love her. I know that. I haven't told her so in as many words, but again, I think she knows that too. Is that all she needs to hear? This confuses the hell out of me.

Forever. That is what I want, but is that a definition? Can you define it that way without actually asking for forever just yet? I know I want forever, I'm just not sure I'm read it for it yet. But I want to be prepared when I am.

I sit in the chair, and dial the number. 561-832-4454. I'm surprised that remember it. Its been a long time since I've dialed a number, without just picking a name out of the address book in my Blackberry. It still strikes me as odd to dial a 561 number instead of a 203 number.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mom, its me."

"Joshua! It's so good to hear from you. It would have been nicer to hear from you before you went to Hawaii…"

"You know I went to Hawaii?"

"I called your office and I spoke to Sam. He's always been a nice boy. He told me that you went to Hawaii for the week. With Donna."

There was a pause. She was waiting for me to affirm this.

"Yes."

"You're in Hawaii right now with Donna?"

"Yes."

"You actually took a whole week off?"

"You know that. I told you when I talked to you on Thursday—"

"I wasn't sure at the time whether you took the whole week, or you were just taking a few days. Did Hawaii overrule West Palm?"

"No. I…uh, we're still coming on Saturday, staying over, then heading back on Sunday."

"Okay. I'll pick the two of you up at the airport."

"Excellent."

"Joshua?"

"Yeah, mom?"

"Is there anything else I should know?"

"No…I don't know."

"I was kind of surprised that the first I heard of you taking Donna on vacation was from Sam."

"It all happened kinda fast."

"So when did you and Donna…move _finally_ beyond the professional spectrum?"

Leave it to my mother to phrase it like that. And what was with the emphasis on _finally_? She sounded like Sam did when I told him

"Election Day."

"You spoke to me on Election Day. And you didn't tell me?"

"It was…a crazy, crazy day. Even that early."

"So it was Election Day…this is really quite new." Then she laughed. "But not really, I suppose. You two have been crazy about each other for years."

"Mom?"

"You have. You go on and on about Donna every time we talk, and every time I talk to her, she goes on and on about you."

I looked up at the beautiful woman sleeping across the room. "Do you still talk to Donna often?"

"Maybe once a month."

I'm a little shell shocked for a moment.

"She keeps me up-to-date on you. And even when she didn't know what was up with you for all those months, she was always nice to talk to."

"Does Donna call you?"

"No, I usually phone her. She's always a delight to speak to, and she's usually easier to get a hold of than you. I'm looking forward to talking to her again…the last time we talked was under such sad circumstances."

"She called you when Leo died?" I think I knew this, somewhere in my brain.

"Yes, she did."

How had I forgotten to call my mother when Leo died? Donna was there to pick up all of the dropped pieces. As always. I reflected for a moment on how grateful I was.

After a moment of silence, my mother finally asked, "Joshua, its very nice to talk to you. Did you have anything you needed?"

I took a deep breath. And another. "Well, actually, I…I…" I could do this, I could. I could tell my mom what I wanted, and at the same time stay calm and quiet so that I didn't wake up Donna.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if you had easy access to…if it weren't too much trouble…if I might be able to have…when I come down this weekend…if I might be able to get from you…"

"Your great-grandmother's ring?"

There was no hiding anything from my mother. "Yes."

"Of course I can pull Gigi's ring from the safe deposit box for you. You've always known that is there for whenever you—"

"I don't know when I'm going to…I just want to have it…"

"Of course. It's a beautiful ring. You probably haven't seen it years."

"No, but I remember it."

My great-grandmother's ring is extraordinarily simple, but at the same time exquisite. She left it to me in her will. My mother had it for safekeeping.

"Do you remember how she bequeathed it to you? 'To bring the love of your life into our family'. I'm glad you've finally realized that the love of your life has been right under your nose?"

"Yeah…"

"Josh, I'm not rushing you to propose…"

"I know that, mom. I just, I'm really confused." I stared at Donna, peacefully asleep on the bed. The sun was streaming in from the balcony window, and in the soft light she was almost glowing. "I love her. I love her more than I've ever loved a woman in my life. And every time I think about that, and think about her…I think about forever. But that's here, in Hawaii, where things are easy. Where if we want to spend the whole day…in a hammock," Quick correction there. Mom doesn't need to know that we spend entire days in bed…but she probably does. "we can. I'm just worried about how this is going to play out when we get back to Washington."

"Is Donna going to be working directly for you?"

"No, she's decided to accept the First Lady's offer of Chief of Staff."

"That's wonderful!"

"I'm so proud of her."

"So there's no work ethics conflict left. You're worried about the hours? The stress? Honey, Donna knows what she's getting herself into. She's worked in the business, with you, for a long time now. I don't think that it will scare her away all of a—"

"But mom, I want to be there for her!" I pause for a moment as Donna stirs a bit, and lower my tone. "I want to have a life."

"I don't see why you can't. You prioritize. You make time where you can. She loves you."

"Does…does Donna tell you that?"

"Not in those words, but I'd say yes."

"I want this to work. I want to love her, and be with her…forever."

"Then take the chance." I ponder this, as her inner English teacher continues, "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt".

I think Donna's waking up, so I whisper to my mother, "You'll have the ring for me on Saturday?"

_Our doubts are traitors…_

"I will."

…_and make us lose the good we oft might win…_

"Thank you."

…_by fearing to attempt…_

Why hadn't Mom shared that quote with me years ago?

"Who were you talking to?" Donna asks, peering up from the pillow.

"My mom."

"How is she?"

"She's doing good. Very good, I think…"

I smiled, and crawl back onto the bed.

FIN


End file.
